i have tasted this poison before.
still i lift the cup again.
© Liezel Graham 2019.
This is the second micropoem in my #HealingTheHurtChildWithin
I don’t think that I need to elaborate on this one.
If this is you, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
Sometimes, if we haven’t healed, we keep returning to the thing that holds us hostage.
For some of us this is an addiction—be it alcohol, food, sex, drugs, gambling… for others it is choosing a toxic relationship, or the same types of toxic partners because it’s all we know.
Perhaps it is choosing the same addictions or behaviours that owned the ones who love(d) you.
I would love to hear your insight into this,
Photography by Johann Piber.
the fear that owns you
has a hungry
when you are not looking.
— fear has a hungry voice.
© Liezel Graham 2019.
This is the first micropoem in my #HealingTheHurtChildWithin
‘The fear that owns you…’
Childhood trauma or hurts that you have not dealt with, becomes another voice that lingers in the background.
It often speaks in anger, or in fear, when it shouldn’t.
It doesn’t speak up when it should.
It ignores things that it should not overlook.
It is easily triggered by things it shouldn’t be triggered by.
It says ‘yes’ when it wants to be loved, and ‘no’ when it is afraid of being loved.
When it speaks, it often leaves you wondering ‘why did I say that’ or ‘why do I react this way’?
It is a voice that is hungry—hungry to be loved, hungry to be found ‘enough’, hungry to be seen, hungry just to feel some sort of confirmation that there is still life and that it is worth living.
It always has a root.
I am still very aware of this other voice of mine. Healing has not been an overnight thing for me.
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments,
Photography by Evie Shaffer.
I have been working on a collection of micro poems that focus on the effects of (unhealed) childhood trauma, and disordered/chaotic relationships with primary caregivers on a child, and how they might affect the adult later on, and the way that these early traumas might then cause them to relate to relationships, love, (potential) addictions, their ability to handle conflict, and how they might as adults with deep emotional scars, negotiate their place in the world.
As always my poems are written partly from a personal place, and partly from my professional experience in mental health.
There is no right or wrong to my words, other than personal truth based on introspection, however there is nothing new under the sun and if you should find yourself in my description, please do look out for my posts in the next couple of days.
They be will short, sharp and sometimes bittersweet, but always I hope, a springboard for deeper reflection and healing.
Perhaps we can find some healing together,
Photography by Lisa Fotios.